But, for real, I just want to stay under these covers, watch the Urban Movie Channel all day and chill. It’s cold and rainy and I’ve been busy.
This is not about being “busy.” This is about healing.
I will wander myself into the bathroom and do all the stretches the orthopedist told me to do in order to get back on the road of gaining my shoulder strength back. I will wander upstairs and ease my body down onto the floor with one arm and get some Pilates done. I will go in there and blend that spinach up in that smoothie and drink it like a rock star. I will start writing the book I’ve been writing in my head for years.
It’s not a to do list. It’s my process.
People find it weird that I exercise at the most random and seemingly inconvenient times in my life. If you’ve ever cried on a elliptical then you probably get it. I’m beyond the point of making EVERYTHING about weight loss. Who cares how thin you are if you’re miserable?
I climb up on those machines when my heart hurts the worst because it heals me.
I do Pilates to strengthen my pain which gives me less pain. It heals me.
I teach those classes when I want to quit because remembering my purpose is huge. It heals me.
I write because my friends don’t always “get it” and my therapist can’t follow me around 24/7. It heals me.
I eat spinach, arugula, drink almond milk and ask for vegan options (in spite of all of the “harmless” teasing my friends and family have done over the years) because I’m the only one who knows everything about me medically. It’s not “punishment.” It heals me.
I live the life I live now because I once lived a life that tried to destroy me; or should I say I tried to destroy myself. I know who I was. I know who I want to be. Exercise (doing it and teaching it), healthy food, writing, church, breathing, it heals me. I’m not an extremist. I’m not a beast. I’m not hardcore.
I’m active in my own healing. It’s hard and it’s messy and it hurts. But every step I take here frees me just a little more. And I’ll take more…..after this movie and a nap. 😉
The winner of the Amazing Grass Giveaway is Deborah! Congratulations! Please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with your information so we can send these goodies your way!