Should I just go ahead and tell you that life happens..
to ALL of us…..
and the ones who suffer the most are….
the ones who pretend like they are the exception and they can hold it all together, all of the time?
That’s not something I read in a book somewhere.
That’s real life. My life.
Every day, I sadly watch the air trickle out of the lungs of women around me because they are hanging themselves with the expectation that we must know it all, do it all, have it all and look good while doing it.
Let me confess. I’m a mess. And I’m finally o.k. with it.
So……I was in Las Vegas last week for Blog Fest and the IDEA World Convention and let me tell you, at first glance, EVERYONE has the perfect squat, the perfect ponytail, the perfect yoga mat, the perfect balanced meal that they brought from home in their perfect little containers, the perfect amount of energy, the perfect headstand, the perfect green tea and the perfect after hours outfit to go out on the town after a perfect day of working out.
I, on the other hand, didn’t sleep, had several consecutive bad hair days, thought I might be going to meet Jesus sooner than expected during that Strong by Zumba training, had an excessive amount of coffee, went out on the Vegas strip in jeans and flip flops and was so tired that I couldn’t remember what day it was.
The reason this is significant is because, in past years, I wasted A LOT of time trying to prove I was the opposite. I spend a lot of time trying to show that I had it together and made sure all of my outfits had a pair of shoes to match and that I had my pictures taken from certain angles, etc. This year, I didn’t even pack until two and a half hours before my flight.
I say that to say this is synonymous with my life. I just got tired of trying to keep up with people who didn’t even know I was running behind them. I just got tired of trying to live up to the expectations of people who would keep moving the line of what it meant to be “awesome” or “accepted.” I just got tired of looking at myself in the mirror and being disappointed because I didn’t feel like I was “enough.” I was exhausted trying to do more and more and more and more and feeling more “less than” by the minute.
It took me a minute to realize I can NEVER do it all and be everything everyone expects me to be. I didn’t even know who I wanted to be. I just knew there was an expectation and either I met it or I didn’t and if I didn’t, I’d fail. Basically what I was saying was I was willing to die (my physical and mental health took a nose dive) to be who people wanted to me to be, to pretend like I had it all together. It took some scary stuff to shake me back to reality.
Don’t get me wrong. Your girt STILL wants her hair to be done and I do a pretty good squat but that cape, well, I mentally ran over it with my car several times then torched it while I was ditching a session in Vegas and eating vegan fried chicken and waffles.
If you can relate in any way and you feel like you are grasping for air, let me help you undo that knot. If you want to fly, let it be because you feel free because of who you are, not because you need a cape which actually weighs you down.
….because if you don’t get rid of it, it will choke you.