I just don’t have time.
Taking those vitamins uses up about two seconds of my day that I may desperately need for something else.
If I go to the gym and sweat my hair out, my car selfies won’t be nearly as dope.
Yeah, I could go home and make a salad or spend my Sundays meal prepping for a couple of hours but I’d rather just roll through the drive-thru and spend all of the time I claim I don’t have on social media wishing I had the lives (which could or could not be real) of the people I follow.
I just don’t know why I don’t feel well but my life is too busy to care. Guess I’ll just die with my to-do list in my hand and still looking for the martyr medal I never received when I spent my entire existence trying to be everything for everyone else.
Harsh statements. True reality.
Do you ever wonder how we got to be last on our own list?I have often thought my on and off again battles with depression and anxiety were the reasons I just couldn’t get it together, that is, until I noticed how fast I could pull it together if someone else needed me.
And here I sit, with a bunch of problems I could have avoided if I had just “stuck to the plan.” I get it. Life happens and we get thrown off course. There were times last year that I struggled to even get out of bed, wash my face and comb my hair. Yet, I will tell you the times when I fought my mind and got up and did it, I felt better. Washing your face may not seem like a big deal until you realize it is part of the self care you have surrendered because you’re “going through,” mad, tired, frustrated or trying to get back at someone (I’ve done that too).
How would life have been different if I had just made the massage therapy appointment that’s been on my to-do list for (true story that I am embarrassed to admit) over a year? How would life have been different if I had had the blood work done earlier, gotten the sleep I needed, walked away from the things I didn’t need, slowed down long enough to eat enough real meals, say no to working other people out because I needed to work out? How would life have been different if I had asked for the support, cried instead of pretending like I was super human, spoke up when I felt violated, set boundaries when I knew I was being taken advantage or just stared fear directly in the eye and went for it anyway because I valued my happiness as much as I valued anyone else’s?
I’ll never know because I can’t go back.
I CAN go forward.
I can’t do anything for anybody or do anything well if “I” am not well. Tasha being well is the center of my distribution of energy. Can you really get what I don’t have? And if I’m giving it to you, is it authentic, is it selfish, is it slow suicide?
If you want to make a difference, start with yourself. From this point forward, make a promise to your heart and soul and mind that your wellness, your health, your physical and emotional well-being is NOT an option. It is necessary. Nothing happens without it.
It’s Women’s History Month. Make feeling like you are not worth your own love and respect, time and energy, effort and appreciate history.
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