2016 kicked my butt.
Most days, I kicked it back.
Some days, well, I behaved like a spoiled brat who had her toys taken away from her by a bully and just wanted everyone to “play nice.” No, it was NOT fair. Lots of it was cruel and hateful. But hiding in a corner and taking it out on myself was NOT the answer. Problems still exist. I wasn’t the only one who went through last year.
Let’s face it. We ALL lost Prince.
Rather than sit here and cry in my tea about all of stuff that practically broke my back last year or even the things that made me feel like I should have my character in a comic book series (no, seriously), I want to talk about now.
What in the world are we going to do with NOW?
I woke up yesterday like a lot of people; glad to have a clean slate, glad to be able to go to church, glad to have the day off, glad about the possibilities. I stumbled into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I had to look deep. I looked tired. I stepped on the scale for the first time in months.
Let’s not discuss that.
As I went through my pattern of ignoring every day things until I FELT like it, I stopped. Life had become so routine because, honestly, I’ve just been trying to make it. But, as I brushed my teeth and sang (well, hummed) Hezekiah Walker’s song “Better,” I decided that if I just did ONE thing even though I didn’t FEEL like it then I could break through some things because my feelings have had me all kinds of jacked up. Before I knew it, I was out of routine, actually SINGING and still on time (mostly) for church.
So, today is the just the 2nd. I get it. But I could have quit yesterday. I’ve done that plenty of times. But my Pastor said a word yesterday that smacked me dead between the eyes. It was the last thing I said to my son before I went to bed last night:
Discipline. My life lacks discipline because I’m mad about all of the things I HAVE to do or all of the things that are EXPECTED of me so I just rebel and say, “Forget it.”
I CAN’T forget it. My rebellion and my lack of discipline is what kept me from being able to fight ALL of the time in 2016. I need order. I need a plan. I need to stick to my word…..to myself.
And that’s where I am, in my kitchen, getting ready to eat food that I COOKED. I’m getting ready to do a yoga class that I am not teaching because “I” need it. And then I’m going to bed on time to help my body be able to rise on time and not be cranky without the coffee I am fasting for 21 days (in Jesus’ name, help me).
How do I feel about 2017?
I don’t. I’m just doing it, disciplined and determined. I’ve got things to do.
You do too.