Today is the day. I’m just giving it ALL up. There is no twelve step process for me. I’m either all in or all out. I was the same way when I stopped eating pork. I was the same way when I stopped eating beef. I was the same way when I stopped eating chicken, turkey and fish. I was the same way when I stopped eating dairy and eggs. I can be the same way about A LOT of things. I just have to cut it loose. Period. It works for me.
And my mother.
Thirteen years ago, on this day, my mother’s birthday, I called to tell her my boyfriend of close to two years had asked me to marry him. She, in return, gave me the shock of my life. After smoking for over 35 years, she had smoked her last the cigarette the night before and she was going to quit. She told me it didn’t even taste the same to her. I couldn’t believe it.
Thirteen years later (HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!), my mother has never touched another cigarette.
I have pretty good odds for being able to just say “I’m done.” Thirty years ago, my dad stopped drinking alcohol cold turkey (I know, right? My parents mean BUSINESS!!!!!!). I, like many of us, have just chosen to disregard our personal power and see ourselves as being “unable to resist temptation.” We have spoken defeat over ourselves and then spend every hour of the day trying to prove how right we were about ourselves.
Here’s the thing: I KNOW there are just some items in my diet I need to surrender because of either of what I think they are doing to my body or what I know they are doing to my body. There are also some things I need to surrender because of what they are doing to my MIND.
Food has been a crutch to me, like cigarettes and alcohol were to my parents. I’ve spent A LOT of years trying to dig my way out the damage I’ve done to myself with self-destructive behavior (unable to deal with physical/mental trauma and pain so I just hurt myself in return) and find a way to stay healthy while remaining happy and sane (not always the same thing). I want a healthy relationship with food and with exercise. I want to not be sick when I eat. I want to make choices that do not make me feel guilty. I never want to eat a food because I think it’s going to make me “feel better” emotionally.
Why am I not saying what I am giving up?
Mostly because I don’t need an opinion and I do not want my specifics to be a model.
We’ve gotten into this “thing” about dissecting peoples’ lives by reading two sentences. We either want to tell them how to do it better or we think we’ll get better by doing exactly what someone else does. I know there is this thing with accountability and it can help to have someone else keep you on track.
In this case, there is no track. I’m getting off the train and flying from now on and that’s the end of it, just like my mother did thirteen years ago.
I do not recommend this to everyone because we are all different. However, know that this is about my life and it’s not just about calories, money or habits. It’s about taking control. I want my life to be better. Today, I am speaking it into existence and letting my actions match my words.
I’ve done it before. I’ll do it again. It is so.