If you’re like me, you had a grandmother who didn’t sugar coat anything. I was double blessed. I had two. 🙂
I distinctly remember the exchange my dad’s mom and I had in the living room of my parents’ home that evening. She had been taking shots at my weight in her letters for a while when I had been sending pictures home but since I now lived 500 miles away and, in my mind, she was just getting older I ignored it.
I had been having a hard time. My son had died. I was still a college student. I hadn’t even been married for two years. My grandmother wasn’t thinking about my emotional state. She called a spade a spade. She looked me right in my eyes after barely saying hello and said, “You’re getting fat.”
My response, “Grandma, you’re getting fat.”
Her response, “That’s just water.”
My response, “Well, mine is just water.”
She was probably telling the truth. I wasn’t. But I wish I had thanked her for telling me the truth and had gotten a grip right then instead of getting back into my car, climbing back into my secret hole of depression and overeating and just accepting the fact that my whole family is “thick,” Grandma had been talking crazy to me my whole life and that everyone should continue to have sympathy on me because I was mourning.
The truth is I had lost my way long before Jordan ever died (and my Grandma had mentioned it) and I wish someone, ANYONE had pulled me out of the self-destructive eating behaviors I had found myself in and had tried to support me in being more active (well, there was that one step class Trice and I went to but we’re Chicago girls. We were back there bopping like we were listening to house music doing the percolator instead of paying attention but that’s another story).
We are so easily offended these days. Or is that we are so quick to find a reason to not face the truth. Both of my grandmothers have been straight up blunt my WHOLE life. It was fine until one of them got blunt with me about something I didn’t want to face. That’s the truth with a lot of us. We will like all the statuses on social media we think apply to the people we think need to change but we’ll unfriend someone we’ve known for twenty years if they get too close to our hot spot.
Maybe someone needs to set your hot spot on fire.
I don’t know how I would feel about people calling me telling me I’m “fat,” but I’ve found myself more attentive to those I trust when they are speaking to me in truth. They know me well enough to know when something is off or not quite right and I’ve trusted them enough to share my life with them. Be discerning and not quite as defensive.
Paying attention the first time someone who loves you bring something to your attention could change your life. I thank God I eventually listened. Thanks, Grandma.