This is NOT who showed up for the gym last week to teach Piloxing.
And I sat there, fifteen minutes before my class was about to start with my keys in the ignition, thinking I was just going to have to suffer the consequences of being a “no-show.” Tired, sore, grumpy, in my feelings, if you can name it, I’m sure I was feeling it. But the same thing that got me out of my bed and into my car and even heading the direction of the gym was the same thing that was going to get me through the gym doors. And the same thing that kept me going through them time and time again……
Quitting is not an option. It’s not about “beasting.” It’s about BREATHING. I’ll be 40 in 40 days. This thing does NOT get easier. Everything on my body feels like it should have an out of order sign on it right now INCLUDING my metabolism. But the older I get, the harder it becomes, the more effort I have to put forward, I realize this:
Lifestyle changes are a big girl’s game. And I don’t mean size. I mean mind.
If you fall apart every time you get an ache, someone is on your machine, you don’t like the music they play at the gym, when you can’t find your favorite leggings, forget your headphones (o.k., that one is legitimate), “accidentally” eat the whole chocolate cake instead of two bites, when your workout buddy cancels on you at the last minute or when your favorite teacher is on vacation (and this can all happen in one day) then maybe there is more mind work to do than calorie burn. See, it takes a a big girl, one who can get up when she is bruised (or has been pushed, kicked or beaten) to take another step forward without needing to six years to recover. She knows she HAS to do it. She has to BREATHE. This is about her LIFE. It’s NOT AN OPTION. Don’t get me wrong, big girls have feelings and cry. We just do lunges and meal prep while our tears flow. We don’t ignore the facts. We just push our way through them…..
……..Just like I had to push through those doors.
It hurts. It sucks sometimes. It’s hard. It feels downright cruel and unfair sometimes. But there are growing pains as we transition. And as someone who played on the little girl side of the playground for FAR too long, let me tell you: it really IS much better over here.
By the way, it wasn’t my best class but it was one of my beat mental days ever.