Despite all of the pictures you have seen and stories you may have heard, I am NOT the Energizer Bunny, although I can play a very convincing stunt double from time to time. I’m actually very, very human and lately I’ve been reminded of just how human I am. I could REALLY be in my feelings right now about being at home today. See, I was “supposed” to be in L.A. with my fellow Master Trainers and enthusiasts being the FIRST to become certified in Piloxing Knockout. Of course, I was going to fly out out AFTER I went to the studio and taught my dance class and of course it would have been merely a week that my body had time to recover from the four day Master Trainer summit with Lebert Fitness and oh, I did teach my classes last week AND had two very painful physical therapy sessions because I’m still dealing with my Achilles. L.A. just didn’t happen for a lot of reasons. I’m going to go ahead and say God did me a favor. And since I’m home, technically, I could have called my clients into the gym or called the three subs I have today to teach my normal three Monday classes.Not. Not even.
As a matter of fact, I’m still in my pajamas and glasses feeling guilt free.
This would have KILLED the old me. I have a “guilt” thing that is part of my “martyr” personality. If “I” don’t go to the gym, my students and clients will be upset. They won’t get their normal workout and they won’t be motivated. How will I feel when they email/text/Facebook me complaining about how they wish I had come in and I was just doing “nothing?”
Well, today, I’m going to feel great. I got my taxes done, I saw my kids off to school and I have a free rewards drink at Starbucks. Because over the past couple of weeks, it’s hit me SUPER hard that as I have given EVERYTHING of myself, I have become depleted. My self-care turned into NO care or “I don’t care” and putting out fires while burning in my own self destruction became the norm. It’s not service. It’s selfish. It’s that pat on the back I’ve been seeking for years, feeling like as long as others thought I was doing a good job everything would be ok. And it’s not o.k. It’s never been o.k. The job I SHOULD have been doing while I was teaching 400 classes a week, responding to messages and texts the second they came through my phone, becoming too attached to the outcome of my clients’ journeys even when they couldn’t have cared less was neglected and I feel it EVERYWHERE.
I read a quote this weekend that almost blew my head off.
That quote got more likes on my Instagram than anything I’ve ever posted. Somebody out there feels me. And I’m taking today off for ALL of us.
I’m not going to the gym to teach to make anyone happy. I’m not going to the gym to workout because people think I should. I’m going to go have my free latte and get on Pinterest, listen to Spotify, cook dinner, be here when my family gets home this evening, ice my Achilles, catch up on my reading, maybe do some laundry (maybe), and say “YES” to the things that help me care for Tasha. Teaching and training is just ONE of them.
And I’ll be back at it, well rested and nourished tomorrow. That’s good for me AND good for you. 🙂