I’ve been sitting on this for well over a week now. I guess I needed to let it soak in before I went on an unnecessary rant. But it was an unnecessary conversation. It’s BEEN an unnecessary conversation for a while now. I’ve tried to convince myself that people mean well. I’ve also realized some people are just mean. I realize I’ve set the standard of excellence high for myself. I’ve also realized that some people just have unrealistic expectations of themselves and me. I’ve realized in my own health journey that perfectionism is prison. I’ve also realized that some people would rather me rot with them in misery than to live in authentic freedom. And I couldn’t think of a better way to enter into what I have to say than by adding a little extra to a mantra I’ve held deep to my heart for the past ten years….I am enough.
I have enough.
I do enough.
What anyone else thinks of me is none of my business.
(And I’d like to add….)
If you come to me with your opinion on how you think I should look, I will tell you that my body is none of your business.
In my adult life, I’ve worn a size 4 (true story. I just didn’t have the guts to buy it. I was too ashamed to admit I had gotten so sick to be able to wear it. I left it in the store and got a size 6) to a 24 (I will never forget that brown skirt I bought from that store right there on Murfreesboro Road). Depending on when we met, you could think I look really thin right now or you could be wondering when I did put on fifteen pounds. And BOTH are your opinion. Neither has to really do with anything unless you’re buying me a Christmas present (and I have a loooong Under Armour list if you’d like for me to pass it along). We’ve gotten to the point that we judge people not only by how they look but how they used to look when we knew them last. Think about why people basically kill themselves to be “high school skinny” for a class reunion. There’s a reason we can’t go back in time. TWENTY YEARS worth of life can have dramatic changes on more than your hairline and marital status. (And, just for the record, even though I am smaller than I was in high school, things don’t “sit” like they used to because, well, I’m not 16 anymore).
There is no way in the world you can look at someone and know what their blood pressure although we think we can. I know some SUPER FIT “looking” people who are going to die sooner than they should if they don’t stop their unhealthy habits. I know some people with less than perfect body types who eat super well, sleep enough, exercise enough and have amazing cholesterol and blood pressure numbers. Yet, we have become all about aesthetics. Perhaps because of my profession, I hear it day in and day out but it just frustrates me to no end.
Especially when someone who doesn’t know my life feels like it’s o.k. to make a comment about my weight.
There has been more than one occasion where a person who knows me from the gym has commented about my weight. I remember a time when I had on two or three shirts and someone made a comment about my stomach. When I pulled up all of the shirts I had on and he saw it was just material, he laughed. But WHY would people think it’s o.k. to even mention it? I get it. I’m a trainer. However, did you know that trainers bloat? Did you know that, as a female, I used to bloat ALL OF THE TIME? Did you know that I bloat if I have too much wheat or not enough water or if I’m super stressed? Did you know that I cannot call into work super bloated and I still have to go into work in workout clothes and not the moo moo that I want to wear because people’s lives are more important to me than someone’s perception of me?
O.K. Sorry had to let that out.
And then, there was a week or so ago when someone I haven’t had in my classes for well over two years (because if you’re consistent in my classes, you know my entire life story). walked up to me and asked if I had gained weight. Well, I haven’t, in well over a year. However, it’s HIGHLY documented that my body has been going through some changes. But my weight is about SIX pounds. That’s it. She went on to make specific comments about how my body looked “different” and how I used to be more “cut.” When she was taking my classes and I was a size 4, I wasn’t more “cut.” I was thinner and you could see EVERYTHING more. I wasn’t even lifting weights at that time because I couldn’t hold any food down. Now I’m exercising consistently and feeling better about what’s going on internally (like being able to get out of bed). I am teaching my classes with more heart and helping people live their best life.
(thanks, Nikki Woods. I needed this one!)
But because you don’t my story, because you don’t live my life, because you couldn’t imagine what it’s like for people to ignore your passion and only be focused on the pounds you’ve lost or gained, I’m going to say giving the best that I’ve got so you can live your best is why I was put on this Earth. That’s my business. But my body, the chapters I have to write to live this life, that’s none of your business. Feel free to read it but you can’t write it.
I’ll be back to my loving self on Monday. 🙂