I’ve been thinking. I’ve been thinking.
No eating watermelon over here. Just drinking on a chocolate hemp smoothie with Jay-Z lyrics (Dirt off Your Shoulders) Maya Angelou poetry (Still I Rise) and the 23rd Psalm (“Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil”) running through my head. It’s been that kind of week. It’s been that kind of career. It’s been that kind of life.
And I keep asking myself HOW?? How did I end up HERE? Why? Why me? Why now? Why the attacks? Why the triumphs? Why the victories? Why the punishment for coloring outside the lines? Why now the rewards for coloring not just outside the lines but breaking the crayons and deciding to dance on top of the paper instead?
When I told my mom how tired I was but I had to keep going (just physically tired. Didn’t give her any details because it would have been on. NOBODY messes with her baby), she sent me a text that said, “It’s because you have you have your momma inside of you. Nobody can stop you but you.” Indeed. It got me through the day. The next day, I was complaining again. My uncle (who called me by “accident” because he really thought he was calling my other uncle) had to listen to me complain AGAIN about my tiredness (and, again, I kept the details to myself because even though I am almost forty, my uncle will start a riot if he really knew) and he said, “Girl, you’re a Washington. You’ll be alright. It’s in you.”
They were both right. It’s in me. The will to make it happen…in spite of. From the first time the girls turned their noses up at me because I was dancing to my own beat and I turned around and made it a dance team, yeah…..I’ve been a Woman of Will.How do you turn this:
Because what you see is MORE than weight. In between those two pictures is what seemed like a lifetime of despair. Constantly depressed. Constantly broke. Constantly sick. Divorce. Grief. job loss. Bankruptcy. Eating disorders. Custody battles. Spiritual battles. Parenting battles. Low self-esteem. Faith in nothing. Belief that I would die before I turned 40. What happened?
I DECIDED I wanted something different.
How do you turn this:
From owning ONE sports bra and ONE pair of yoga pants that I got on clearance at T.J. Maxx that I literally had to sew up in between the thighs because of the wear and being told that I would be no good as a trainer, what I liked to do/taught was not in demand in the fitness clubs and having to postpone my car payment to take my first yoga training to teach over 175 people at a time, teaching yoga to my friends in Puerto Rico (and completing my 200 hour training) and becoming an ambassador for Under Armour. Because I didn’t need for anyone else to know or believe. Will. I fell into the pain of being discouraged plenty of times. But I got back up.
Just like today.
Can I just tell you I’m mad as hell right now? But I’m not falling. Not this time. Will. All will. Strong will. Just like Viveca (you know, Viveca Jensen, the creator of Piloxing, that program everyone thought I was crazy for chasing after and now it’s everywhere and now I’m a master trainer? That one.) told me: I’m a strong woman. Because just like Misty Copeland, Lindsey Vonn, Sloane Stephens, Kelley O’Hara and Brianna Cope, (because you DO know about the Under Armour Women “I Will What I Want” campaign, right?) I just decided I was going to do what I did and do it like I meant it.
And let me go ahead and throw Shauna, I’m mean Dr. Shauna Harrison in there because, well, if you know her then you know what I mean.
It’s not because I’m good at what I do. It’s because I DO what I do. That’s my momma in me.