All people really know about my trip this weekend is that I went to Savannah and met Arian Foster. 🙂
It was bigger than that. But that was cool too. 🙂
You may have never heard of FitBloggin but it is a gathering place of people who blog about health and wellness. That’s the short version. What I want you to know is that it was really a gathering of extremely brave people. REALLY brave people. And when I found myself facing what could potentially be a crisis (years in the making) in the privacy of my room, I wondered how brave would I become with this blogging thing.
I heard the word “balance” a lot. I hear it every day. People, well, let me say women because that’s who I mostly serve, use that word like we’re getting paid for it. And in the middle of a session this weekend, I heard myself say, “What in the WORLD does THAT mean?” In my world, it meant my kids made it to all of their activities fed and on time, dinner was always cooked at home and hot when everyone arrived, all of my clients stuck to their schedules, I never got injured, I worked out every time and every day I was supposed to, I answered all of my emails, returned every phone call, worked hard enough to pay enough for the BMW I really wanted but made it to every event both of my kids had, be alert enough to listen to my husband talk about his job and drank a green smoothie every day. And it just didn’t happen. Not ever. And every time I “failed” I punished myself for it. Why couldn’t I get it right?
Because my “right” was someone else’s standard.
This weekend, I did away with the word “balance.” I am embracing the word “authentic.” How does it feel to my soul?
See, my husband and I could have a nicer house and nicer cars. But I chose to step back and take care of my health and pursue health and wellness full time. It means I DO get to work out at 1:00 p.m. if I so choose, the same way a friend with an Escalade can’t get off work before 6:00 p.m. because they have to work to pay the car note. How do you balance your health or your job? You then have to ask what’s right in your soul. What CAN you do? And then ask yourself what are you “willing” to do? I could very easily take a part time job at Barnes and Noble the same way a person could just go to gym after their meeting in place of their evening Facebook time. What feels good to you? That’s how you even the scale. You take responsibility for what you choose. Some days it won’t feel good. We live and learn.
I haven’t always felt good about what I’ve blogged. People want to read workouts and “Five Top Steps to Losing Weight in the Summertime.” And this weekend helped me get to the core of what I want to talk about on my blog. It’s the lifestyle of wellness and health and exercise. I want to talk about the truth. My truth. I want to talk about the emotions BEHIND those top five steps. What in the world goes through your mind when someone asks you to give up everything you’ve known to be true about diet or exercise? What happens when you see Reese’s cups dancing and taunting you in your dreams? Yeah. It’s crazy, isn’t it? I know because I’ve been there. I want to encourage, motivate and inspire people with the truth. My truth.
Like what’s happening now.
Saturday night, I knew something was wrong. I sat down, afraid, and called my husband from my hotel room. I told him what had happened and before I could tell him what I thought was wrong, he told me. He said, “I’ve been thinking that for years.”
It answers all of the questions I’ve had about myself, if it’s true. And I’ve been unfair to myself, believing I haven’t been blogging enough or not about the right things, not taking enough pictures of my workouts or admitting that I just didn’t feel like working out, wanting to cry because I was hurting and frustrated and fighting the anger of being told I wasn’t “allowed” to have those emotions. And the stress of it all was breaking me.
But after this weekend, I’ve chosen to be brave. And authentic. And the blog my life and how I serve you will be better because of it. Whatever comes of it all, I’m cool with it because I was brave.
Is the door being opened for you to be authentic and brave? What’s stopping you?