What a year!
- I’m breathing and am lived long enough to write this post. 🙂
- My children both turned monumental ages (double digit 10 and 16)
- A encounter with Holy Spirit changed my life
- I became an ambassador for Under Armour
- I attended my 20 year class reunion
- I finally made it to Puerto Rico
- I attended my first IDEA conference, first FitBloggin conference and presented at the SCW conference for the first time.
- Earned gold level at Starbucks
- Had the flu and pneumonia at the same time during peak fitness season
- Had surgery that put me on my back twice as long as projected
- Was dealt a tremendous blow to my business
- Was forced to separate myself from people I thought were real friends
- Was forced to come back home from Puerto Rico
- Could not run the Pittsburgh Half Marathon I was training for
- Dealt with a health issue (s) without a name
And yet life has went on. The sun is still shining. I got up for woke this morning and made it to the gym to train clients. I am headed back to teach Zumba tonight.
I say all of that to say that sometimes our stories can hold us captive.
Can I be honest for a minute? This is the first year in recent memory that I did not go into a depression (often deep) around and on my birthday. It’s sort of hard to explain if you’ve never been there. I spent years feeling haunted and guilty by the fact that my mother missed the Fourth of July barbeque because she had to go into the hospital early with me. It was a sense of “being in the way” especially if you accept that story at an early age and it turns something else and is validated by other people in your life. Or the fact that EVERY year, one of my grandmothers would forget my birthday while not forgetting my sister’s or my cousin’s. It was a story I held on to for years. I didn’t understand that people forgot because I didn’t. I believed that if people forgot, they didn’t love me as much. And when people I loved forgot my birthday, it literally crushed me, well into my 30’s. I started to wish I could just sleep the day away so I wouldn’t be disappointed. EVERY year, someone I love forgets. Today, it’s ok. My worth isn’t defined by it, or them. That’s what I learned this year.
We love a good “before and after.” Before I would have spent days wondering if anybody was going to call me and offer to get some people together for my birthday or at least hang out or something. Today I’m ending my seven day fruit/vegetables fast after my class tonight (I haven’t even used my free Starbucks birthday drink. Can you believe it?) with whatever my husband and kids want to do. I’ve celebrated myself by honoring my body, mind and spirit and being more o.k. with my choices, my world and the people who are in it. No chasing, no begging, no reaching into the past. For anything. This is the year of moving forward. And paying it forward.
I told my yoga class that in lieu of gifts, I wanted each of them to pay it forward today in some way: a kind word, a hug paying for someone’s lunch. I will spend the week and really, the rest of my life paying it forward. I am moving into my best days. The best has yet to come!
Thank you all for the well wishes. I’m ready to live this last year of my 30’s with a BANG!