In the past six weeks, here are the two things I’ve heard the most:
- When are you coming back?
- I know it must be killing you to not be able to exercise.
And my answers are simple:
- When my body is ready.
- And no.
But number two is a little more complicated.
As a professional busy body, I cannot say it has not been a “challenge” to be sidelined. And I have done some crazy things in the spirit of my “movement lifestyle” like teaching a class on crutches and in a boot (yes, at the same time. No, there are no pictures and yes, I got plenty of crazy texts that day when friends found out what I was doing). And just today I was sidelined by my physical therapist who, after telling me I could start trying the stationary bike and needed to work on balancing on one leg, had NO idea that I’d do so EVERY DAY for thirty minutes, start going to Bikram Yoga as religiously as I wash my face, start taking swim lessons and doing one hundred squats a day. Did I tell you she just told me that last week? Yeah, no activity to all of that. So, challenging yes. Hard, no.
You want to know what’s really been hard? Six weeks of pure unadulterated truth.
I have found out more about myself and other people in my life that I ever wanted to know. I’ve been forced to slow down and look at all of the things that I have been avoiding while I was running around the universe teaching taking pictures and teaching classes. One MAJOR thing was…
I eat pretty good compared to most people I know. 🙂 But people assume because I follow a vegan diet that I eat broccoli all day. Not true. I was so busy that I was going to bed WITHOUT eating or I’d drink a protein shake or I’d pull up to the first place that served tofu and basically inhale it. I wasn’t eating nearly enough vegetables or drinking enough water. And I didn’t cook. Ever. I’ve manged to lose a few pounds (despite eating more coconut ice cream, cake and Starbucks that I ever had in my life. Sympathy gifts.) mostly because I eat at home and MUCH better AND….(read carefully)….
I do not overestimate the number of calories I need because I was “exercising.”
But that’s another blog.
I’ve had to pay attention to my relationships. It’s easy to separate friends and fans and foes and frienemies when you are basically unable to do ANYTHING. I noticed who I was willing to call, who I was willing to talk to and who was willing to talk to me. I am a huge giver and I realized that I had been doing so much giving that I didn’t realize that a lot of my relationships were making me more exhausted than rejuvenated. I’ve learned to politely say “no” or make choices that support who I am at the core and where I want to go instead of choices that would make other people happy.
I’ve had to look at finances. Because I haven’t worked as much, I’ve had to budget more. And let me tell you: I spend A LOT of money. When you are sitting on the couch all day, downloading can be your best friend. 🙂 But I noticed that I would just download or buy things because I saw them and it “temporarily” made me feel good.
So, basically, I’ve been medicating myself with things to hide the fact that I’ve been very unhappy….for months. I’ve only shared that with a few people. It’s been a culmination of things; unrealistic expectations for myself and others, feeling stuck, feeling insignificant, feeling like people only cared what I could do for them, feeling unanchored, left over seasonal depression, a battle with the scale, a major change in my business…..and did I mention that I still have two children and a husband?
And I’ve had to look at it all. In slow motion. That’s been hard. But it’s been an awesome ride. The teacher has been able to be a student, in more ways than one.
Because of that, WHEN I return (and I am returning to Sparkman Center on Thursday for yoga), I’ll be different. I’ll be moving different, feeling different, teaching different, looking at the world differently. And that will make everything else easy.