I’ve been trying to find my “groove.”
But I am recovering from so much more.
It would be my pleasure to walk straight, go back to Bikram yoga (I have been pulled from it), go back to swim lessons (I have been pulled from it), dance my own choreography (dance recital is in less than two weeks. I had to give up my spot in my own dance), teach Zumba (salsa is my anti-depressant) and Piloxing (a little punching as hard as you can never hurt anybody) but it is not so. It’s just not so.
And so I find myself redefining myself, on my own terms. I love fitness and it’s what I do but….
…….believing my worth is justified by it’s an issue.
And I never realized it was MY issue.
I wanted to lose weight to be here for my son. Somewhere in the mix, I almost overdosed on spirulina, six pack ab programs, detox regimens and group fitness certifications. I wanted to be in the “in crowd.” But the more I got “in” the more I found out there were other crowds and no matter how hard I worked, I’d never be accepted…..because I didn’t accept myself. I had to become ok with being whomever I was going to be (and I’ve been helped out with quite a few names) and be about that life. But there was no balance. Go hard or go home. You know. Because when I go all in, I go all in. And now I’m out. And how I need to re-enter has to be different.
I would love to share with you my workout regimen.
Here it is:
1) More sleep
2) Less Facebook
3) More boundaries
4) Less ego
5) More rest (not the same as sleep)
6) Less other folks’ drama (#2 and #4. I am too nosed and I am no savior.)
7) More stretching
8) Less reaction (physical and mental)
9) More reading/quiet time/prayer
10) Less chasing people/things that should be let go
And I can now go back to the stationary bike (got pulled from that too), heel raises, started teaching yoga again and even find a few steps at dance class. I am getting myself ready for Tasha’s future (which does includes attending FitBloggin, SCW Mania, IDEA World Convention, the Black Girls Run Conference AND teaching two Piloxing workshops by summer’s end) not just teaching classes. It has to be bigger. And MY bigger is stronger in love and stronger in life.
What’s your bigger? What do you REALLY want? And are you willing to go against the grain to get there?
See you on a group fitness floor/road trip soon. 🙂