As I stare at this ice pack, swollen ankle and crutches, it’s hard for me NOT to think about what was “suppose” to happen.
The gym plan was I was to fly to Pittsburgh this weekend, complete the Pittsburgh Half Marathon in honor of my friend Miles with my Under Armour teammate Kasey, fly back Sunday night, train my clients Monday, throw a big Cinco de Mayo Zumba party at the gym and go in for my surgery Tuesday morning, immediately go into boot and start walking and doing physical therapy two weeks later.
I didn’t plan on getting hurt during a training run, having my doctor pull me from the race and move my surgery up, have to cancel personal training sessions (personal trainers don’t get sick leave) and still be on crutches two weeks later. And the minute I started thinking about what was “suppose” to happen this morning, I went down; WAY down. I had to get in the bed. Why was this happening this way?
A better question would be why do we torture ourselves with what “should have been” instead of facing our reality?
It’s a common practice a lot of us take on: “if I would have just went there instead of here for college” or “if I would have just waited an extra year to have that baby” or “if I would have just stuck with personal training a little longer.” Or how about “ten years ago today, I didn’t make the dance squad” or “fifteen years ago today, I got a ticket and missed my starting time die that race.” We hold on to things FOREVER. (And I am saying “we” because I am the queen of remembering stuff like that). What if we were grateful for the “not knowing why?” What if we were open to what was happening? Because I guarantee you, getting up out of that bed, thinking about what I have going on in REAL TIME feels a lot better than lying in bed, torturing myself with visual pictures of the me and Kasey taking selfies at the starting line and me breathing correctly up the hills and looking for Starbucks in the airport on my way back. No doubt it would have been am awesome experience but I still have Miles in my heart, the opportunity to take selfies with Kasey coming up soon and, after my recovery, the opportunity to be active again. It’s all good.
What’s SUPPOSE to happen is what is. The race will go on without me and my life will go on without it. And it’ll all turn out fine. 🙂