Have we met?
I’m Tasha. I’m the one that’s either going one hundred miles an hour in fifteen different directions or I am somewhere passed out. There is just no in between. And that’s not good. Every now and then, God taps me on the shoulder and reminds me that I was never meant for auto-pilot. And I rarely listen. Then, instead of the tap, I get knocked over the head with something. And I end up like this….
And, no, I don’t mean the awesome Under Armour shoe wear but they are fabulous, aren’t they? I mean, somewhere with my foot propped up all weekend when I was supposed to be dancing and doing yoga and building up my endurance for my upcoming half-marathon. I kicked off my weekend staring at my doctor, trying to give him a legitimate answer as to why I was in his office seven weeks before my planned surgery more messed up than I was before I even scheduled the surgery asking, “What can I do to keep running/dancing/teaching until I have to go down?” He said the words NO fitness professional/active person EVER wants to hear.
“SLOW down.” Or as my grandmother would say, “Sit down somewhere.” But she wouldn’t say it like that. 🙂
Before, all I wanted was to hold a handstand. This weekend, all I wanted was to be able to sit in child’s pose without pain. Before, I wanted to be able to have leaps and kicks like the girls in Alvin Ailey. This weekend, all I wanted to do was be able to demonstrate my choreography instead of having to dictate it. Before, all I wanted to do was be able to run that half-marathon, not be bored and not pass out. This weekend, all I wanted was to be able to walk without pain. And in my desires I realized that in my speed, I had forgotten what it was like to just want and enjoy the simple things, the steps that had gotten me to where I am.
I have been thinking about all of the days I have taken my legs for granted; pushing them when they needed rest, demanding more of them than they could produce for the sake of not being called a “slacker.” How many days have I ignored my children because I was too busy running around trying to save them from the world and make enough money to give them something when they really only wanted me, like last night when we were all sitting around playing Uno instead of them watching me crawl into bed? How many times have I tried to stay awake answering every Facebook, Twitter and Instagram post, trying to call everyone back, do everything, be everything, hold everyone up until I figuratively and literally only had one leg to stand on myself?
So as I wait for the results of something I did to myself and the down time of a surgery I knew I would have to have but praying I haven’t done more damage, I am looking forward to spending more time finding balance and discarding the need to keep up with the world’s speed. There are numbers between zero and one hundred for a reason. I intend to explore each one. And wear cute shoes while I’m doing it. 🙂