My children would probably have a fit if I ever headed for the door and had my keys in my hand. I can NEVER find my keys. I throw them everywhere, on the dresser, the nightstand, the ironing board. I leave them in the pantry when I’m looking for a snack. On really long nights I have been known to leave them in the door. But I play the losing and finding game with my keys every day.
So, trust me when I tell you I don’t want to lose weight. Because I have no intentions on finding it. Whatever needs to be gone from my body in THAT sense needs to just be gone. I’m not going looking for it. There are no frantic search parties digging through sock drawers, in the folds of the couch. I don’t want it.
But we play this game of losing it and finding it. And I’ve spent too much time obsessed with it. About as much time as I do looking for my keys when I need to go, as if that number on the scale stops me from breathing.
Please hear me. I am NOT saying that if you are at a dangerously unhealthy weight, you should just be done with it. If you are there, you don’t need a scale to tell you. I’m talking about those of “us” (because I have my moments) who feel like we can’t breathe if “that” number doesn’t show up on the scale. We go into panic mode; cleanses, detoxes, extra cardio, 1,200 calorie diets, no carbs, no carbs after 6 p.m., the master cleanse, juicing, colonics, shakes, challenges, boot camp and every supplement we can find….until we can’t keep it up anymore. And in our despair, we FIND our weight again.
I’m giving mine up. Complete surrender. And all of the crazy things I’ve done that put me at war with it in the first place. And it starts with taking the emphasis off the thing people will tell you they don’t care about but they, we really do….
I am in scale rehab. I thought I wasn’t until I jumped up on the scale at my doctor’s office last week, fully dressed with coat and shoes on (because it used to be a time that I took off everything I legally could) and I had just gotten through running and saw a number that literally gave me chest pains. I KNEW why the number was so high but we have become so programmed that I went into this zombie state and thought I was getting ready to collapse. (The end of that story is I had went home and was five pounds lighter…in the middle of the day but, well, anyway…….drama for no reason). And I hated the feeling MORE than I hated the number. And, for the hundredth time, I let it go.
And I don’t care if it takes two thousand times, I won’t die wrapped up in “losing weight.” I’m over it. Over hearing about it. Over talking about it. Over just about everybody in my life being obsessed with it. Because if we really want to deal with the issue, we have to stop setting ourselves up to go back and FIND it.
Do you feel like you are challenged with the lose and find weight issue? What’s one step you could take this week to step away from drastic measures of losing it and making a conscious decision to walk away from it for good?