It is clear to everyone who knows me that I did not have gastric bypass or lap band to lose weight. Honestly, I am not even sure when I was going through my process(es) that I was all that familiar with the procedures. I never once considered it. Did I feel hopeless and wished God would just take it off of me so I wouldn’t feel tired and depressed and not hate myself? Sure. But there was a process I needed to go through for a reason. And I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately.
Have I EVER had plastic surgery? Yes. Fifteen years ago yesterday, I had almost six pounds removed…from my breasts. I was twenty three years old wearing a 42 DDD. My insurance company paid for it because my body was all out of whack. I had back problems, bruises, rashes and a bunch of other stuff that was just totally out of control. I thank God for not making me go through the process of having to do anything else with that. I went to a C and was happy. I am even smaller now and even happier. Case closed on that one.
What do I think about surgery?
I used to have very strong opinions because, honestly, I felt like surgery was a cop-out. I felt like if you could get yourself into it, you could get yourself out of it. And what I found by having that attitude was that I was judging people with the same kind of hate that probably made them feel worse in the first place. My opinion now is I can’t tell you what works for you. I can’t tell you what’s the best decision for you. All I know is that surgery doesn’t “fix” your life. It changes your process. I know people who’ve had surgery who’ve gained the weight back, still don’t exercise, still don’t eat well. And I know people who’ve had surgery who are still struggling to get those last few pounds off. And I know people who go right by the book. What’s your process and what’s its purpose?
If I had had surgery there is NO WAY I could do what I do the way I do it. For me, surgery would have been too easy. I came out of a marriage, never having lived on my own, never really having to have to pay my bills on my own, manage my life, my child, my job, going to school. If I had had surgery, it would have been another person “fixing” something for me. And I had begun to expect that in my life. Me not making a dance team, my child dying, my husband wanting a divorce, those things weren’t supposed to happen to me. Sure, I had made plenty of messes in my life but there was always an “out.” When I realized I was not wearing a Mr. Klump suit and there was no “out” of a 230 plus pound body, then I knew “I” had to do something.
But I didn’t know what. And I didn’t do anything. For a while. If I lost weight it was because I was on a budget and couldn’t afford to eat like I was accustomed to doing. Or I was stressed because of the divorce. I went through a period where I just didn’t care. Wanting to be around for my son MADE me care. But you read that story on my Instagram this morning, right?
I didn’t wake up one day in an Under Armour outfit, teaching Piloxing and drinking green smoothies. The process of rising and falling, of trying different “diets” and exercise plans, buying every workout video known to man, reading, crying, praying, begging, falling again and deciding that I wouldn’t go back is how I got here. And I still fall. Because it’s still a process. I’m not where I want to be yet.
Everybody’s process is different. We’re facing a new year. What step are you willing to take in your process to make it your healthiest year yet?