2013: I Almost Gave Up…..

image…….”I was right on the edge of breakthrough but couldn’t see.  The devil really but Jesus came and grabbed me.  And He held me close so I wouldn’t let go. God’s mercy kept me so I wouldn’t let go.”

image

I probably just remixed those verses but that’s the way it came out in my mind.  Because that’s my story.  I am still here, ready to move forward because I was LITERALLY grabbed the week I was quietly looking for a job; non-fitness related.  The year had been slow.  I was connected but wasn’t getting assignments.  Clients weren’t renewing…and not just ANY clients; clients who had become my friends, who were like family.  It was bad.  All around bad.  In the middle, my friend Tim suddenly died.  My Brandi had already made her transition earlier in the year and I was too messed up to continue training with my own trainer (yep, I had a trainer).  And then stuff started happening.  I went from feeling like no one could see me to being everywhere, all over the country.  And then people I loved, whom I had done right by, started to hate me.  I wasn’t going to win.  And then, just when I thought I had escaped the seasonal depression that has knocked me to my knees this season and the reoccurring death theme every year in December for the past few years, NaTanya is gone.  Just like that.  And I was pretty pissed about it.

Until I remembered I was breathing.

Circumstances.  Those were circumstances.  Some unfortunate.  NONE of them
can control destiny. Neither can I.  I can spend more time listing everything that went wrong. And I can post pictures and talk about everything that went right. Right or wrong is all a matter of opinion. The truth is my life went and, God willing, it will go on. And how do I go on about the business of living instead of re-living what I thought was unjust! unfair and just plain ugly?

Give up the need to control.
Give up the need to know all of the “why’s”
Give up the need to know His big picture.
Give up the need to keep score.
Give up the need to compare.
Give up the need to be perfect.
Give up the need to try and fit in the box.
Give up the need to please everyone.

This is about being free. From it all. Expectations, chains, weight (physical and mental).
Close your eyes. Know that your life has purpose beyond your circumstances. Be excited about the possibitlities.

2014: I WON’T give up!

This entry was posted in 2013, 2014, depression, faith, resolutions, self-inquiry. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to 2013: I Almost Gave Up…..

  1. Anntronett says:

    Tasha, I find you yo be absolutely amazing! I enjoy following you. Keep doing what you’re doing.

    This post is a blessing. There is something spectacular that happens when we are transparent & share the bad & the ugly with the good. It’s not easy to do.

    Your life is special. I look forward to watching you grow into a household name & being able to say, “I knew Tasha when…”.

    • HipHealthyChick says:

      It is NOT easy to do, Sister. Not at all. I struggle when I push “publish.” But I try to keep the fact that this is not about me always in front of me.

      Thank you for reading and for your support. It means more than you could ever know. (((((HUGS))))))