On October 21, 2003, somewhere around 4 A.M., I met my womanhood face to face.
It is indeed the morning my beautiful baby girl was born. She, however, was born, at 4:53 a.m. Something happened before that. It was a defining moment in my life, one that won’t soon forget. I am going to go ahead and say I will NEVER forget it. I love using the term “MAN UP” but this task could only be handled by a woman (no offense, fellas) and it was indeed the only time I knew I was going to either die or handle my business.
My epidural went out at nine and half centimeters.
You want to talk about PAIN? (and I am sorry if you are pregnant or haven’t had children and I am scaring the living daylights out of you. Don’t be scared. She was totally worth it. And the story gets better, I promise.) I have never thought, “God, why me?” more than I did in that moment. In between that child trying to bust out of there and the nurses pinning me down trying to get the epidural back in and my husband, well, if you know him I will let him tell you his part of the story, I literally thought I was going to meet my maker. There was no shot they could give me. There was no way that girl WASN’T coming out and I couldn’t convince them to knock me out until it was all over. There was only one thing I could do.
And that’s where I am now.
No, I’m not pregnant. 🙂
I have been uncomfortable for a while now. I would say at least a few months. Things really started to go downhill right around Christmas. I tried to keep up everything I could but my body was hurting, my mind was preoccupied and my spirits were low. Off to New York I went at the beginning of March with my IIN tribe and came back feeling refreshed, renewed and inspired. I even had the nesting instinct. I started cleaning up my house, throwing stuff away, saying “no”, getting ready for what was coming. And then it started to hurt. Everything. For the last two weeks, I couldn’t get out of bed. I’ve been tired. I’ve been extremely stressed. I’ve had aches and pains that I cannot explain. I’ve been grumpy and edgy. I even had the taste for a Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi which I haven’t had in about four years.
And then Pastor Rod got on the mic yesterday at church and said, “You are pregnant with purpose and it have been 7 months, 8 months, 9 months and just like a pregnant woman, when it’s time to deliver, all you can do is PUSH! Lay down and PUSH!
I literally almost jumped out of my chair. See, yesterday was 9 months TO THE DAY since I have been 37. And I had promised myself that I would go into 38 with a bang. My pains are growing pains. This “baby” is too big to carry inside anymore. And I have to “WOMAN UP”, get my courage up, no matter how it hurts and PUSH to get to the next level.
I keep thinking…My daughter is up to my shoulder now. How painful would it be trying to walk around now with her in my belly? We’d both die. And I want to die EMPTY. I have three months.
These are my challenge shorts. I can get in them. I just want to be able to go outside, in public and not be embarrassed in them. 🙂 Today is the start of my journey. I cannot spend time on fear. If you have ever had a REAL contraction then you know they don’t ask if you are afraid or not before they come. I cannot spend time “searching” for courage. I cannot think about the details and the pain. It’s time to PUSH!
Can you think of anything that you’ve been carrying around that you need to PUSH OUT? Is it time to deliver?
Who’s with me?