Forgive my bluntness but winter SUCKED.
It started with an awful work situation, a teenager ending his first semester of high school on a low note and my baby girl passing out in my husband’s arms on Christmas day and ending up in the emergency room with a bad case of the flu. The New Year swooped in with a string of deaths, over half of my clients traveling, sick or wrapped up in some other type of “situation” and me running around the country like a maniac because it was “Get My Life Together” season and I was trying to be a good trainer, instructor, master trainer, blogger, mom, wife, daughter, friend, church member….
Did I mention that I get REALLY depressed in December because it is the anniversary of so many WRONG things in my life, it gets DARK so early, I dislike cold and I had just started with a personal trainer, paid lots of money and didn’t have the time or energy or desire to keep up? Oh yeah, and a couple of illnesses on my part, some asthma and severe insomnia for the first time in my life.
Now that I’ve depressed you, let me go ahead and say….I MADE IT. I’m still here. I’ve got my weave in and I’m ready to go. I think. No, for real. I’m ready. Because what was motivating me in November isn’t the same thing that’s motivating me now. I needed to go through that season to get to where I am right now.
I hired a trainer because I didn’t want to be the “fat girl on the squad.” Yeah, I know. A lot of people look at me and think I am out of my mind. However, if you know anything about the business I am in and look at my frame then you know that I am not on the smaller end of that. I still have problems with my stomach and I thought I was getting crazy enough to just chop it off. Myself. With a butcher knife. Now that I look back, I realize I was in a real hate season. I was caught up in my “likes” on Facebook and Instagram and Twitter and thinking that if I had more pictures of me in a sports bra and booty shorts, I’d be more popular.
I decided I don’t want popularity. It’s overrated. I want authenticity. That’s my season. I want health. That’s my season. I want wellness. That’s my season. I want happiness. That’s my season. Working out three times a day on 1,000 calories a day doesn’t equate that.
I want to be strong enough to go out and run with my hurdle jumping son. I want to be able to turn cartwheels with my gymnastics taking daughter. I want to be able to demonstrate high kicks the correct way to the children I teach. I want to be able to breath when I teach Zumba. I want to be able to demonstrate correct technique and be happy enough to translate the true meaning of Piloxing to the instructors I train. I want to be humble enough to serve the way God would have me to serve without worrying about who is liking my page or looking at my body. The truth is, I’d rather people take my class and walk away feeling empowered than have someone look at my picture and feel discouraged. The truth of the matter there are some people who work their BUTTS off to look good and I commend them for that. But it’s not always what it looks like. My trainer told me to stop reaching for that because there is a lot of unspoken stress that goes along with that life. And she would know. And I believe her. And trust her. And love her for that.
And here is what prompted me to sit down, right now and write this post….
I just saw picture of my 80 year old grandmother who is now bedridden and in a nursing home. As I stared at the picture and tried to make sense of how this could happen to a woman who was active (or in my mind, active) and had a garden (but didn’t eat like she should have) I literally almost fell down in my kitchen from crying so hard. I want to hold on to what I remember. And the truth is, life happens and we change. I miss her, that old her. And there are days that I miss me, that 16 year old with that banging body, but life isn’t so bad because we are both here and we have both learned because of where we have been. That picture encouraged me to take a step out of what I think is fair and into what is. It also encouraged me to fight to be healthy as long as I can.
This week, I challenge you to revisit your motivation. What’s the one thing that’s your driving force for wellness for the spring?
Did I mention my 20 year high school reunion is in August? I’ll save that for my summer motivation. 🙂
New Season. New Reasons.