Happy New Era!
It’s been eight years.
  • 2002 (yeah, I know that’s ten. Stay with me.) I gave up my career, my friends, my city, my life as I knew it to marry him. He was an engineer.  He lived in a house.  He loved my child.  I had just lost forty pounds.  Life was looking up.

  • 2003 A major child custody issue with my son that would change our lives.  I get pregnant.  We move into our house that we have built from the ground.  My son starts kindergarten.  We start to start see problems.  Our daughter is born and I have gained forty six pounds.  The anorexia starts again.

  • 2004  (Here we go….) I get help for my anorexia.  I shed the weight the healthy way.  I enroll in massage therapy school.  My son is getting help.  My husband gets a new better paying job. I start working at an herb and vitamin store.  I get in a car accident.  My husband is fired.  We lose our house.  I have to drop out of school.  I have to quit my job.  We move to another city where I don’t know anyone but my husband’s family.  I join a local gym and decide to take a job there for minimum wage so I can pay for my daughter to go to day care three days a week.  Then I decided that, maybe…..maybe I had been set up for this…….

It isn’t just the end of the year.  It’s the end of an era.  It’s the end of wishing I could be “that girl.”  I AM her. And I am ready to move the next phase.

I remember January 1, 2012 very clearly.  I started the morning on my face in the front room of my house praying and crying.  I was grief stricken, confused and longing for direction on what to do with my out of order life.  I can’t say I know what to do now but I DO know NOT to be afraid.  I broke many barriers this year (went back to church, ran a half marathon, got my passport, voluntarily crawled in some mud), took my first vacation (Miami, Baby!!), got to see my college roommates for the first time in FOREVER, got to go to Chicago twice for work, as well as Charlotte, Atlanta, Canton and Long Beach, became a master trainer for Piloxing and a Fit Fluential ambassador and got my baby boy into high school.  Those are just the highlights.

I had some personal lows, some major bouts of depression, weeks of not wanting to do anything but sleep, cry and eat (or not eat), loss of friendships and am ending the year with spending part of Christmas Day in the ER with my baby girl, a sick husband and being sick myself and not being able to attend church OR work out.  Those are some things that will drive a control freak nuts.  🙂 And there lies my answer for the next step on my journey.

Surrender the need to control EVERYTHING.  Go with the flow.  Be willing to let go of the things you feel you need so you can hold  the things God has just for you. 

The big picture is that I am not reaching for someone else’s life anymore.  I have some goals I want to reach.  I want to be better.  I want to lift heavier weights.  I want my quads to pop out when I wear shorts in a smaller size this summer.  I want to get better with tithing and praying.  I want to be a better wife and mother.  I want to teach better classes. I want to be a better trainer.  I want to run faster and I want to eat better.  I want to see more places.  I want to be more still, more often.  

I am not making “resolutions” because the calendar is changing.  I am resolving to be o.k. with my success and to be o.k. with the fact that I have a ways to go and to be content with knowing that I will be o.k. no matter what.

Wishing you and yours the best New Era ever!

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