I still keep asking myself why I did it.
When I got up Saturday morning, I knew I didn’t want to go. The memories of “why” I signed up for the race in the first place (private mid-life crisis. Let me just let you know you cannot OUTRUN your problems but I digress.)) were heavy on my mind. I had eaten some food I didn’t normally eat the day before. I was feeling lethargic without purpose and the LAST thing I wanted to do was get up and go two hours away from home in the rain to go running through the jungle for a medal. I dragged myself out of bed, against my better judgment, got dressed, grabbed my Energy Bits and headed out of the door. UGH! Seriously?
The entire trip (the part where I wasn’t sleep) I kept asking myself “why?” What was I trying to prove? I hadn’t “necessarily” enjoyed the Warrior Dash but the challenge was what I needed, I was in a city where no one knew me, I could choose to not do whatever I didn’t want (although I chose to do all of the stuff anyway even with pneumonia. I don’t recommend that.) and I needed to push myself into the unknown. This run, well, my husband and children were there, I was still sick (something about “knowing” your diagnosis makes it more real) and I had no adrenaline since I hadn’t been really working out. I stood at the start line with an attitude. I swallowed about 30 Energy Bits and felt my mood change but I am not sure about my energy. The gun went off but my body was still in bed. I knew I was in trouble when the run started out UPHILL.
It is probably fair to say that this adventure run was A LOT harder for me than the Warrior Dash. There were several obstacles that weren’t even considered obstacles that I found difficult and some were just downright ridiculous. As I accumulated gashes (and not realizing it until I was falling in water and mud and they started burning) sore wrists and body pains, I begin to slow down. I didn’t even want to push. I wanted it to be over. Every time I got to a mud pit that I had to jump in or deep pit of muddy water I had to tread my way through or a low pipe filled with mud that I had to crawl through or a slide filled with mud I had to go down (are you sensing a theme?) I got frustrated and angry. Climbing over walls was no big deal. Twenty foot ropes? No big deal. Swinging from rope to rope over water when you are tired, hungry with an attitude? Problem. Running through forest, jumping over trees, balance walking over logs that are high over water? Problem.
And yet, I finished anyway.
Because once I was in it, no matter how I felt, I wasn’t going back.
No matter how I got there, I was going to finish.
Because life is an adventure and you can’t always control what’s coming next. You may fall. You may slide. You may get a gash. But you get back up. You keep going. Because an obstacle is just that. You may not be able to run. You may not be able to walk. Crawl until you can stand. Even as I sit here with these bruises and pain ALL OVER, I know that even though I found Saturday to be one of the most unpleasant experiences I have had in a while, it was nothing compared to what I have been through to get to the point of even SIGNING UP for a race.
I can remember a time when I couldn’t even walk up the stairs without breathing hard. I can remember a time when I was afraid of EVERYTHING. I can remember a time when I would have never been seen in public in spandex. I may not have had the fastest time. I still may not be excited about the race. But I BEAT the juggernaut because I broke my old computer and rewired my thoughts to go out and get it.
And none of my wires were shortened by jumping in the mud. 🙂