“I had a bad day at work. I just ate whatever I wanted.”
“We had an argument. I ate the entire bag.”
“I’m just in a bad mood. It cheered me up.”
These are words that I have spoken out of my own mouth. And I am not saying I am somehow the Queen of self-actualization. I am saying that I know this “I Deserve It” monologue when I hear it. I used to think I wrote it. The question now becomes, “Who are you trying to convince when you say it?” Even if you say it with a Southern preacher’s conviction, you are not 100% sold on this whole “I get this because I did good” thing. If you were, there would be no falling out when you get on the scale, realizing that it is not tilting in your favor. Or do you view the scale as just another “injustice” in your never-ending struggle to get the weight off? Why is it that it just won’t cooperate? If your body would just do right, you wouldn’t have eaten the stupid cupcakes to begin with because that’s what depressed you in the first place. It’s all justified. It was just a slip up. You’ll start again Monday.
Or is that the ish?
Point blank: Life can suck sometimes. And food can temporarily make you feel better because, well, it doesn’t act a clown like your kids and husband or boss and it doesn’t want to be paid immediately. It doesn’t want you to be any place at any certain time and it doesn’t freak out if you don’t return a phone call text or Facebook post. It just creeps up on you when you forget you have spent the weekend in its company and jumps on your back when you stand on that scale Monday morning with your hands partially over your eyes when you are peeking, trying to see how much damage you really did. The things you eat, you have to pay for….it’s not a REWARD. You are NOT Scooby. And no one owes you a perfect day. Or a perfect child. Or a perfect mood. You want to get over the weight drama? Get over the word “perfect”. In all aspects.
When you expect one thing and receive something else, the disappointment can be devastating. If food is your vice, your lover (and for A LOT of us, it is), it’s the first thing you run to for shelter. It’s the main attraction at our pity party. I heard a very powerful statement this weekend at our Women’s conference at church…”you can’t be pitiful AND powerful.” So, which one do you want to be?
If you want to win in ANY aspect of your life, you have to decide that you are not your story. You have to WANT your power more than you want to be pitiful. Listening to yourself talk about how bad things have been only lead you to do things to babysit that wound. You feel justified in not handling your business because you are “injured.” The real injury is the one you are doing to yourself by constantly leaning on that crutch. You CAN walk. You just choose not to because it feels better (and you get more sympathy) when you stay in your ish and let other people say they “understand” why your food is so out of control.
Walk away from being a victim. You control the door. Which side of it will you choose?