All I Really Want Is To Be Happy…..

” and to find a love that’s mine.  It would be so sweet.” 

I was watching a rerun of BET Honors yesterday and I saw Mary J. Blige performing this song.  I thought, “Man, she reminds me of me.”  She is just a girl from around the way, with a gift that blesses others. Her pain is what touches people.  The way she delivers it hits you right where you need it.  And, no matter how “sophisticated” we try to look, we start bouncing with the music, hopping and popping with that swag that only homegirls can understand.  🙂  And, as much as I LOVE this song, I never really listened to the song like I listened yesterday….

“How can I love somebody else if I can’t love myself enough to know when it’s time, time to let go…..”

Or how about:
“Oh, I cannot hide the way I feel inside.  I don’t know why but I every day I wanna cry.”

Or how about:
“Life is too short to be tryin’ to play some games.  Now take some time and think about if it’s really worth losing me.”

See, the thing is, that’s the OLD Mary.  The one that everyone was grooving to and feeling.  But what happened next is what a lot of us experience when there is a shift in our lives and we REALLY decide to be happy.  Mary listened to her own lyrics, cleaned up her life and her health, started shouting from the rough tops about doing away with the drama, started looking better than ever and her fan base dwindled because they said her music was no longer “raw” and they liked her better when she was in pain.

And some of us are more comfortable in our own pain too.  It feels more, well, familiar.  The idea of doing something different is scary, even if it means saving our life.  We are afraid to lose those whom we think love us, are afraid to lose our “identity” and are afraid to lose control.  The truth of the matter is identifying with the things/people (enablers) that are making us sick is being OUT of control.  We are seeking something from others/things that we have not quite understood  internally.  There can be no REAL LOVE (because Mary was looking for that too….remember, someone to set her heart free and she didn’t find it until she did away with the drama) until it comes from the inside.  And Mary got that….“cause I like what I see when I’m looking at me when I’m walking past the mirror…”

What you want, you can have, as soon as you decide to give it to yourself.  And when you decide to open up to the love that exists inside of you, you will know, without a doubt, when it is time to let go.  And letting go internally leads to letting go externally.  Mary CAN afford a personal trainer and a chef….but so can Oprah.  I’m just sayin’…… This is not about money.  This is about desire and openness and the drive to push beyond the obvious and get inside of the heart of the matter. 

Your heart is beating but is it open?

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