Today is one of the those days when I know EXACTLY what I want to say but I don’t know how to say it.
What I am saying is that with great power comes great responsibility. And there is a fine line between being “Super Woman” and displaying that strength all of the time with poise and grace and showing your human side with poise and grace.
So what I am saying is….today, when I felt my “humanness” with force that brought me to my knees, it is time for me to say, “you are not alone. I understand.”
And that is why I do this work.
I have had a pretty emotional couple of weeks and most of it I have dealt with in the solitude of my own soul, well, except there was no real solitude. I started having knots in my stomach, I mean, REAL KNOTS, like something was trying to break free, the night I subbed a yoga class a couple of weeks ago and the participants were standing about six inches away from discussing whether the other one I had “heard” about me and if I was “any good”. I literally could not bend over. And they have been random ever since. Mostly on my left side. I started having problems sleeping and started to feel withdrawn. All I did was study and work. If I occupy my mind then I won’t have to occupy myself….
The relevance of my left side is that the left side represents our feminine energy; the gentle, compassionate soft side that exists in each one of us. Over my lifetime, I have found when I don’t “behave” the way I “should”, I “punish” myself. This has been a constant through my struggle with weight loss; more exercise, less food, no sugar, strict calorie counting, etc. In this case, I started studying more, reading more, teaching more classes, scheduling more things, etc. When I find myself being too hard-core, I start to hurt. That yoga class was the beginning of a week where I spread myself entirely too thin. I did not pay attention to the signs. The pain continued.
This morning, as I felt completely overwhelmed by the circus that is now my life, I had to ask myself, “when will it become bad enough for me to adjust?” See, we either LEAVE the circus or we put on our costumes and switch roles from time to time to make it more interesting. When I step out of the chaos, the pain stops. So, should we just learn to deal with the pain and consider it a part of life or learn to work with stepping out of the chaos so we can be free from it?
When I say “you are not alone”, I mean I know what it’s like to feel like you KNOW you should and you KNOW it hurts but you feel STUCK and you feel like you CAN’T.
The question we have to ask ourselves is “what is the alternative?”
For months, I ignored a pain (on my left side) while I was teaching fitness classes because I thought I was just getting a “cramp” from dancing too hard or not being “hydrated”.
I had a cyst on my ovary that later had to be removed.
What is it that is causing you pain that you are ignoring that needs to be removed?
Be human. Tune into your needs. Sit in the pain. Listen to it. What is it trying to tell you?
And how long are you going to stay there?
If it’s your weight, how long do you want to hide behind it? How many more days do you want to cry in private because you want to leave circus but you are not sure how? You feel like you “can’t”. You are convinced it’s your willpower or lack thereof so you “punish” yourself and we end up back in the circle with another costume.
It’s time for you to undress and redress in your authentic self. It is there you will find peace and what you seek for your body and mind. And if you need help, reach out.