Out With The Old, Going With The Real….

I have a confession to make…..my favorite pair of shorts is a size 12.

O.K…..the real confession is I can’t wear them.  I haven’t been able to “fit” them in quite some time.  Yet I hold on to them because I am in “denial” that I cannot wear them. 

They are too big and I won’t let go.

I know there are people who will cringe to hear me say this but, until recently, I’ve seen myself as a “large” girl and “large” girls wear size large and surely not single digit clothing.  We do not wear junior size clothing, low rise jeans or shirts that “fit”our bellies.  Funny thing is, when I was a size 18, 20, 22, I remember wearing tight capris and backless shirts. 

So what was my real issue?
Why is it so easy to accept that we have lost our way but hard to accept that we are winning?  Why is it so easy to stand in the mirror and berate ourselves about who we don’t believe we are and yet lots of us cannot look ourselves in the and pay ourselves one honest compliment?  Some could argue “low self esteem”.  I’d like to say “conditioning”.  If all your life, you’ve believed (or been told) you’ve never “hit the mark” or you somehow weren’t good enough or when you succeeded, you never quite felt the support and enthusiasm of those around you, why would, all of a sudden, you’d wake up one day and be different? If you’ve been “penalized” somehow (physically/emotionally) for succeeding (being “first”, winning, being smart), why would you not feel the same way each time success knocked on your door? 

Unless you had a moment of realization that caused you to realize that perhaps what you’ve been told or what you’ve been believing no longer serves you.

For me, it was trying to put those shorts on without a belt.  (That belt being symbolic of me being something to hold up the lies I continued to tell myself.) The shorts fell STRAIGHT to the ground.  I started to notice my patterns when I went into stores.  I ALWAYS asked sales people, “Do you have jeans for girls with big butts because I need something larger.”  One day, I decided to “try” on a medium.  Should I tell you what happened? I had to give myself permission to be confident in my own success AND accept the responsibility of not giving myself “permission” to go back to that size 12 (double edged sword there…did you catch it?). 

I wear clothes that fit now.  My skin fits too.  I am enjoying celebrating who I am and doing away with those old habits and beliefs. 

Do you have any clothes and/or beliefs that are no longer serving you?  It’s time to get real.

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