When I See Red It’s Really Blue…So What Do I Do?

Anger is a second hand emotion. 

It is a cover up for hurt.

I feel better saying “I’m angry” than saying “I’m hurt”.  “Anger” helped me run my first three continuous miles, do a hundred push-ups, a hundred bicep curls, a hundred squats and a hundred jump rope repetitions repeatedly in a hotel room and teach some of the best classes of my life.  “Hurt” has caused me to break down and cry in the car after a yoga class, call in and ask for a sub, give myself permission to sleep instead of exercise and eat potato chips and cupcakes because I worked so hard on the days I was angry. 

Emotions are wavering.  And my scale has often showed the same pattern.  How do we give ourselves permission to feel what we feel and hold ourselves accountable?

Let it be known; if I get on a roll, no one can throw a pity party like me.  🙂  I do not have them NEARLY as often as I used to (thank God) but when I am in “that mode”, I can think of EVERY reason why I should stay there.  I would be lying if I told you that I am not experiencing a high level of stress right now, more than I would ever care to share, but, somehow, I still manage to show up for all of my classes and sessions with my clients.  I’d toot my own horn and say “yeah, way to push through” (in my Dionne Clark voice) but there is one small problem…..I have yet to extend this sort of commitment on a continuous basis to myself.

Let me pause for a minute and see if that sounds familiar to anyone. 

We are quick to commit to other people and other things but not so compliant when it comes to our own well being…and even worse when we are feeling lapis lazuli (just sounds more sophisticated than just saying blue. :))

Pulling ourselves out of our hole when the colors of the rainbow are all the same color start with holding ourselves accountable and committing to our greatest good.  I know that if I have an 8:00 a.m. class, at 7:59 a.m., I cry my last tear and get it moving.  I am committed to pushing through whatever temporary issue I am having to invest in the long term good of someone else.  And I can very easily use this same technique for myself.  I can choose NOT to be angry.  I can choose to “face” the blue (and sometimes facing it head on is all we need to make it go away.  It’s pretending like it doesn’t exist that seems to make it grow like weeds) and take control of it and not let it control me.  (And, as a person who has battled chronic depression, I am not suggesting that it is THAT easy for all of us but, for some of us, it is.)

If you were sad and your friend needed you because they were feeling worse than you, what would you do?  Exactly.  It’s in you.  Be willing to take that SAME spirit and put it behind yourself when you don’t want to get out of the bed or you want to eat chips and drink Pepsi instead of spending a few minutes on the treadmill.  Small investments add up.  And the emotional benefit of knowing you chose to invest in your health instead of hiding under the blue is a mood-enhancer in itself.

Today is not my best day.  But it’s not my worst.  And I’ve got push-ups to do.  🙂  What about you?

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