Who You Used To Be…..

I am a person who definitely has had an issue being “stuck”.

I have a memory like an elephant (I can remember my 1st grade classmates birthdays without a Facebook reminder, I can remember a simple argument my parents had when they were two and I can remember the exact words he said to me the day I fell in love with him and the day he broke my heart…in addition to the angle of his chair, who was in the room, what day of the week it was, the actual date….and that was over twenty years ago), I am extremely intuitive (I see things coming and going) and, because this “glass half full” thing is a new concept for me :), I have been extremely affected by the taunting and teasing and trauma of my past.  I can remember having a Facebook chat with a classmate whom I’ve known since the second grade (this was over a year ago and we were never really tight but it’s hard to avoid each other when you spend 10 years of your life together) and I remember telling her all of the stuff that happened to me behind the scenes…even some stuff she was involved in.  She apologized for her part but she didn’t even remember.  She said something to me that day and I’ve held on to it ever since…..
A song titled she quoted…of all people, Kanye West….”everything I’m not made me everything I am.”

I’ve grown leaps and bounds since that conversation.  Daily, I am faced with the decision to be trampled by the events of my past; some as recent as two months ago, some as old as twenty years ago.  I am a “feeler”; everything that happens to me I feel very deeply.  When she apologized for “making me feel that way”, I realized (in my thirties, of course, not as an elementary school girl) that she, or anybody else, could “make” me feel anything.  I attached meaning to their actions.  I still do it.  And I know when I am doing it because it hurts.

If you’ve ever read “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz, you know one of the agreements is to NEVER take ANYTHING personally.  (and if you haven’t read it, I highly recommend it.)  Because I “used” to do that doesn’t mean I have to continue doing it.  I can stop right now.  Every time I am faced with the decision to do otherwise, I am surrendering my choice.  Yes, it’s hard.  Yes, it’s a challenge.  But I’m worth it.  There is no way in the world that I could have gotten this far by continuing to be who I used to be.

I was telling a friend this morning how I noticed “friends” were drifting in and out of my life because of the changes I have made recently.  Those who are used to the “timid” me (and I know that’s hard for some people to believe but if you REALLY know me, you know there is a part of me that lived in complete fear of just about everything) and when I started speaking up and, well, basically, living, following my bliss, they were taken aback by that.  They rebelled.  They fought me.  They screamed at me.  They hurt me.  And, in the end, I did not have to eliminate them because they eliminated themselves.  They are still a few lingering but the light of who I am now is so overpowering that darkness cannot remain.  And my darkness that chased out light will allow others to return.

The word “used” is past tense.  Who do you want to be?
Step into your now.
Find your extraordinary.
You really don’t even have to look for it.  It’s waiting for you to embrace it.

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2 Responses to Who You Used To Be…..

  1. The entire post is uplifting and well written. Those last lines really put things into perspective for me. I’m truly digging your message. Great blog–outside and in. GO TASHA
    I will find my ‘extraordinary’ and embrace it. Loving this!

  2. Michele says:

    Hi Tasha! I am finally catching up on your newsletter and blog. Just wanted to say that I love your new site. As always, your posts are both motivational and inspirational. Hoping to join you again one day in your Zumba class 😉