….and if you lose your way, fake it some more until you find your way again. It is a repetitive process and, sometimes, an exhausting one.
One of my clients looked at me during a session and said, “Tasha, you must be an eternal optimist.” I smiled at her. I remember the first time I found out the difference between an optimist and a pessimist. My mother used to tell me I was a “pessimist” all the time and it sounded like “pest” so I had to figure out what she meant. 🙂 The cup hasn’t always been half-empty. As far as I was concerned, there was no cup period and I was just left to hold the water in my hand. I hardly ever smiled. I am not sure if I was born this way or if my experiences over time made me bitter and frustrated. I just knew everything I did or said seemed to “feel” negative. I had some positive energy. I just didn’t know how to use it. It came out in spurts. What I did notice was that I could use that positive energy and share it with others and not with myself.
Until this year.
And that seems sort of weird because 2010 will go down as, collectively, the worse year, emotionally, I have ever had. It seemed like every month, there has been a HUGE issue and soon as I would get back up, I’d get knocked back down. But I found that speaking what I needed into existence changed my perspective. And, even though I had to start by sharing that energy with others, I have received it two-fold.
One day, out of nowhere, I had the desire to get up and say something positive on my Facebook page. I had done this randomly before but I intentionally wanted to say something to people to start them off on the right foot in the morning since I was known for waking up on the wrong side of the bed….often. That day, I got up, posted “on purpose” (because usually they were just random posts based on my moods) and forgot about it….until I got a lot of feedback from it. And, actually, the more I did it, the better I felt. And then I started reading my own words. I started feeling as motivated as the people who were e-mailing saying “thank you for posting that.” It took me 35 years to realize that my WORDS had power. I had read several books, had two degrees, been to numerous seminars, and had lived a life with more than enough opportunities to learn this lesson. And I just didn’t get it….But I finally got it. And now I plan to keep it.
It would be negligent on my part to not mention that this is NOT EASY. There are times that I was sitting in front of my computer literally crying before I posted something positive, or times that I had just found out the most devastating news before I had to go in and smile and teach a class or times when I had left urgent care clinics with unexplained chest pains (stress), random gastric episodes (stress), migraine headaches, cat scans, MRI’s (stress) with my arm bands still on. However, I found that I needed the “perspective”. It’s o.k. to go down. I just don’t ever want to stay there again. My family, my students, my friends and my clients benefit when I am living a positive life. And it manifests itself into my everyday living, beyond my words. It is worth every bit of effort.
Am I an eternal optimist? I am now. And it’s because I chose to become one….the same way I chose to lose the weight, the same way I chose to become a mother and I chose to become a personal trainer. And I also chose the position of negativity in my life. There is power in my CHOICE as well.
You may not feel like being positive. You may not feel like exercising. You may not even know how to be healthy.
Fake it until you make it. And, if you lose your way, you can find your way again. If you see me on your way, looking lost, just wave and point me back in the right direction and I will do the same. 🙂